Riding amongst the waves

After some encouragement from a friend of mine, I'm writing another blog. Last night, i read a lot of my old facebook notes, my myspace blogs, and even more embarrassing, my old xanga entries. I discovered something about myself. I discovered those that read what I wrote knew more about what was going through my mind then any of my friends or family. I discovered I'm one of those people who will listen to your problems and help you work through them, but for the most part keep my issues to myself. Now sure I've come to a lot of you for advice over the years, but I always knew I was holding something back. Vital information that could have been helpful in giving proper advice. For someone as outgoing as I am, you would think it would be easy to do something like that. One of the biggest complaints I've had against me as a boyfriend is that I don't really open up. And for that, I'm sorry. I don't know if I really know how to open up correctly. I spent my life being the one there for everyone else, that I forgot to take notice of those that were always there for me. But for whatever reason, I can open up on here, express my deepest fears and issues on here, but can't say them verbally. Does that make any bit of sense? No, it does not. But that's how it is I guess.

So then what is on my mind? You know, I don't really know. All I know is that life has yet to turn out the way I was hoping it would. Does that mean life sucks right now? Eh, maybe. But I know it could always be worse. So yeah, it sucks that I had to move back home to Missouri and live with my parents, but at least I have parents that allowed me to do so. I have a warm bed, a hot shower and a roof over my head. Is that really a bad thing? No, my family is pretty cool, so it's been ok. It just sucks that I'm a college graduate who is unemployed still. But I've got a family that loves me enough to support me through these tough times. I've got a car that is in excellent condition, I never doubt if it will start when I go out to start it, and with the exception of a crazy headlight, it functions perfectly. And I get to park it in our garage and life is good. Could life be better? Of course it could, I think life could always be better.

I apologize to those friends back in Memphis and in Mississippi that I've lost touch with. I miss you guys, and I'm trying to get back in the south. I loved my time there, well most of it anyway. haha. But I couldn't have asked for better roommates all throughout college. The best part is, I didn't have to keep changing them every year. We all got along, we were friends, and we have memories I'll never forget. This past year in Oxford was some of the best times of life. Staying up way late and ignoring homework to dominate in another game of Phase10 or lose ridiculously in a game of Yahtzee or any other game for that matter. Going to the basketball games and baseball games all semester long. The coining of such phrases as "WWJD, What Would Josh Do? and then do the opposite." or Jim's favorite quote of mine (that I never really said, mind you) "I can't, I have a receding hair line." Getting conned into going to a Lil' Wayne concert, driving out to Dallas and spending money I didn't have just to go to the Cotton Bowl, catching a home run ball at a Redbirds game. I couldn't have asked for better friends this past year, you guys have been absolutely amazing. I feel like I owe you more than I could ever give you. You guys rock, the end.

So what am I up to now? Well, other then living at home, not a whole heck of a lot at all. I'm looking for a job, pretty much anything at this point. They've already given me two callings a church, I'm the YSA rep for my ward (go figure right, I can't shake it. ha) and I also work with the Bears for Cub Scouts. And it's been way fun. We're working on a skit for the Pack Meeting in a few weeks. As far as the job search goes, I've got a few leads down on the coast. My dad has a lot of connections down there, and so we're gonna see what we can find. I've heard back from places like Dallas, and San Antonio as far as working at federal offices out there. I made the second to last cut in San Antonio, but missed the final cut. Dallas, no dice. And so it's been a big letdown on the job front. But I get to be home and spend time with my family, and that's always a good thing, right? I've been able to watch my little brother play soccer for the high school. Good times.

I guess that's it for now. But whats a blog of mine without some music? So I'll talk about the new Pearl Jam album for a bit now. It's actually really good! I'm a big fan of Pearl Jam, but their last few albums I've liked some of the songs, but typically not the whole album. But the new one "Backspacer" I love from front to back. Especially "Just Breathe" and "Amongst the Waves." The line from "Just Breathe" I love the most says "I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love/Some folks just have one/others they got none." And I realize how truly lucky I am. I do have quite a few people that I love. And you guys are awesome. And then "amongst the waves" just has that great rock song feel to it. One of those songs you just know that when they play it live it's gonna be unbelievable! I love Pearl Jam. And other albums I've been listening to a lot lately are the "High Fidelity" soundtrack and the "Adventureland" soundtrack. Both great movies with equally as great soundtracks. Ok kids, I think that's it for now. Enjoy!

Stadium Attire Etiquette

Ok, so no deep thoughts here, no 'woe is me, why is my life not working out' notes. Just a simple comment on what to wear and what not to wear to sports games.

First of all... for those who don't know, as soon as I got back into Missouri (and yeah, I moved home, ugh) I got a job up at Kaufman Stadium where the Royals play. And while I've worked every home game since I've been home, I've noticed a few things that REALLY bother me.

First of all... Cardinals fans... I have nothing against the Cardinals, and you know, I'll root for them too on occasion. But you know what... you're at a ROYALS game... leave that stupid Cardinals jersey/t-shirt/t-shirt jersey at home!!! (exception, when the Royals are PLAYING the Cardinals)

This is what I don't understand... why would you wear a shirt that supports a team that isn't even playing in the game that day? That makes no sense whatsoever! If you're a Twins fan... wear that shirt when the Royals play the Twins. You like retarded otherwise.

Now, some of you are saying this goes against my concert attire theory, and I say at first glance, you're right. But it's a different situation here. At a concert, it's about the music and spreading word about other bands that people may like while they are at this concert of the person/band they already like. But at a baseball game... it's a contest between two teams. You're either for one team, or the other... not some third team that isn't even present.

Example from my own life, a few weeks ago, I traveled down to New Orleans to go to the BYU-Tulane football game, among other reasons. Am I big BYU fan? No way! Am I a Tulane fan? Nope. But did I wear my Ole Miss stuff to the game? NO! Cause that would be stupid! No one cares if I'm an Ole Miss fan at this game... Ole Miss isn't playing in it!

Exception to the rules is if it is a shirt of a team of a different sport. For example, wearing a Chiefs jersey to a Royals game, totally acceptable, even though you SHOULD have picked out a Royals jersey as well.

ugh, ok, I'm done. I just had to get that out, I've wanted to make fun of sooooo many people this past month because of this issue, and now I feel better! Thank you!

I uh... I dunno...

So... I pulled this up because I figured I was going to have something to say. And I can't really think of anything. Life is mostly pretty good right now. The economy has struck my family pretty well, but we're making it. We're swimming above water... but barely, like many families out there. Life is not where I thought it would be at this point in my life, I figured I'd be a bit farther along with things, but still nothing. And sometimes I wonder what's really in store... but you know... you just gotta keep swimming. Already halfway through september, kinda weird to not be in school anymore, but I'm glad I'm done. I dunno. This didn't really help, so I'm just gonna end it now...

Congratulations! But now what?

Well... I did it, I graduated college. Nothing too fancy, just a 2.8. Got myself a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice with a focus in Homeland Security. You would think that in a world where we're busy fighting terrorism every day, you'd think that I'd be able to get that job... Apparently that 2.8 isn't very impressive. I'm fluent in a foreign language, and that's still not good enough. Up until now, in my life, I've always been good enough. And now, well, now I'm not. I've lived my whole life in a world where I could get by by just doing enough. I got a lot done that way, avoided quite a bit of problems. And I got things done my way. And getting things done my way has worked for 24 years. And now my way doesn't work anymore. I wasn't prepared for that. I knew that it would take awhile for me to find a job... but you know, I graduated almost 4 months ago and up until two weeks ago, I was still working at a minimum wage job. Now, instead of working at that minimum wage job, I'm unemployed and living with my brothers in Georgia on an air mattress. This is how life is supposed to work out, right? Yeah... exactly right. It's meant to be hard... right? If it wasn't hard, it would be easy. Well, for the last 24 years, life has been easy. And now it's not. So congratulations on graduating college, but now what? Move on with life, get a job, become a part of the world where problems matter. As a student, my parents took care of me, they helped me with all of my needs. They helped pay rent, and now, I don't even have an apartment to call my own. I'm living out of two suitcases and in a few short days will be taking off to a new location, sad thing is, I don't even know where that will be. Is this the life of a college graduate? I thought it was graduate and join the real world, and get that 8-5 job where you get stuck in rush hour and complain about the drive. But instead, all I'm doing is bumming off my brother and now I can't even stand to do that anymore. Where are the jobs I was promised, where are the interviews that I was always able to get before? Why has life brought me to this... up at 4:15 in the morning for the 14th day in a row... Life... It really sucks. Spent my life just doing enough to get by, and now, I don't even know what enough is. I can't figure out what this life wants of me. And it bothers the crap out of me.

Welcome to my blog

Well, this will be my blog. It will contain my views, attitudes, complaints, emotions and anything else that just happens to be on my mind. I call it My Depth Perception because this is what I see it is. This will be life the way I see it, through my eyes. Sometimes you may agree, sometimes you may not. More than likely you won't always agree. And that's ok. I don't always expect you to read this either... In fact I'll be surprised if that many people read it anyway. So, I think I'm gonna wrap it up and leave it here. I figure if you're reading this, you already know me and a lot about me, otherwise we wouldn't be friends. Enjoy!